I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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