Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you would pick up someone in the library
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
