Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
