ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
