My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
