you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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