He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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