I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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