Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
