so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
