in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
