if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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