worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
