there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
my poor anus
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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