Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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