Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
