I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
