The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
