Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
