nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
is wine microwaveable?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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