He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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