btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
