Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
