I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize