the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
