The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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