I just made out with a guy for $7.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
