I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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