The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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