My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
