i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
