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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Just be blunt and say drink from my dick

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish there were wingman of the year awards.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?

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• (530): View more from California

  Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I knew you two would hit it off

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• (904): View more from Florida

  just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!

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