Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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