NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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