Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
