OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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