she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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