I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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