Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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