she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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