i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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