My brain says no but my pants say off.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
