Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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