his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
