If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
