Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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