kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
