I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
