i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
