How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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