1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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