wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
