if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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