great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You smell like stripper and shame
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
