yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
