I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
