Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
