why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
