He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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