If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
