yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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