She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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