so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
