What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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