oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
