what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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