Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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