I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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