kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize