Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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