I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
