I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
