Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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