dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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