S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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