too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize