shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
