I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
