Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
