and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
