That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
