party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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