I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
how does that bad decision feel?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
