Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
