just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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