sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
