I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
