This is not my ceiling
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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