I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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