The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
