I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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